Example Example Example

It's 10:38 as I start to type this post. My favorite time to write a blog post. Naturally, I have an English exam I need to be studying for, Med Term words that need to be reviewed, and some texts that need  responses.

But instead, I am sitting here typing. 

Thinking.

Praying.

98% of the time I never know exactly what I'm going to say when I type these blog posts. I really have no clue. I just start. And sometimes I'm actually surprised by how well it turns out. Other times I just post it because I spent a while on it.. whether I really like it or not. 

It's been a rough day.

Everyone has THOSE days. The ones where your brother is running late. You forget to eat breakfast. You get caught in traffic when you're in a hurry. A mean comment is said to you. A car nearly hits you on the way home. The grade you got back was not what you expected. (It was worse.)

In some way or another, everyone can relate. And today was just not my day. 

Without getting into details, someone asked me a question today about my teaching at EFM. I tried to make it clear that I teach.. I don't just "help the teacher", as they put it. I mean I do. But I also teach. And I love it. It's my thing. But this person didn't seem to understand me. They don't know me, I don't know them. To them, they saw a 17 year old who claims to be in charge of 26 kids with one other adult on a weekly basis.

And we actually manage them and teach them things. Or at least we try.

Yes, I know, I am crazy. It sounds crazy but it's my life.

Anyways, the person's comment bothered me more than it should have. I felt like it was a personal attack.. Someone saying that I was too young. Which the person never even said. I just felt it. Like, in between the lines. You know?

And I felt sad. Because I work my tail off over there. I don't just go in and sit in the back of the room. 

AND then, tonight, while I was sitting watching Netflix.. It hit me.

Guess what? I don't need their approval to do what I do.

It doesn't matter what they think about me. They may think I'm too young. So that's fine. The only approval I need is God's. 

The only one who it really matters to is God.

And I think I am where He wants me to be right now. 

And that's all I need to focus on.

Okay. I'm done now. Well. Almost.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12. 

I need to work on my attitude. My impatient impatient impatient attitude. I need to work on loving constantly. I need to work on watching my words. 

Because I know I am being looked at. My example is being watched.

Not only by little people. But by big people. And I am determined to be a good example. 

And God used one person's comment to remind me of that. 

Weird.

So, dear people who think I'm too young to be teaching my kids, even though you don't tell me, I feel your disapproval. And it hurts. But I'm trying to do God's work. And I'm trying to share His word. And so far, it's going good. There are rocky days. Some days I want to pull my hair out. Some days I do almost pull my hair out. And then somedays I cry tears of joy because I know that God did something amazing that night. And that's my life right now. I mess up, I don't know how to handle every situation and I definitely do not know everything. But I'm learning. And someday down the line, I'll be doing this again, somewhere somehow. But for now I am going to keep teaching my kids in Florence about how Jesus loves every one of us and answering "Miss Alana" for the thousandth time. So if you think I'm too young to do that, well I'm sorry you think that. Feel free to come over and teach with me anytime. Also, even if you did mean what you said in a mean way, HAH on you because God used it to teach me a lesson. (Does that make it a HAH on me? I don't know.)

Also, I have some amazing friends who love me and encourage me and patiently listen to me. Thanks for that. These two pictures were with two of them from this past weekend. Note: it was freezing. 

I'm going to go study now. 

Thanks for reading my random thoughts that ended up working together. 

I kinda liked how this one turned out.