Finding Joy in the Challenges.

"WHAT did you do?"

"Does it hurt?"

I am eighteen years old, and I've never broken a bone.. never had major surgery other than my tonsils out (I was two) and my wisdom teeth out… never pulled/twisted/sprained anything, never had an x-ray.

So I posted my last post. Trusting God. Great things will come. And they are happening, they are coming into fruition. And I was at a point of okay God, fully trusting. I know Your plans are greater than mine, I trust You.

And then three days later, I popped my knee out while dancing with friends, just being silly.

And it HURT. It was Friday, I thought I'd be fine by Monday. It was just sore, right?

Wrong.

I went to the doctor on campus Monday morning. Who sent me to one of the campus sports' doctors. He told me that no, it wasn't just sore. I had dislocated my knee and in the process partially torn the ligaments holding my kneecap in place.

Ouch.

I had an x-ray and was told that there wasn't any bone damage. Which I am thankful for.

But I was given a huge immobilizer brace (I have no clue if that's the actual name for it or not.) that I have to wear for another week.

And, as one of my friends told me, it looks like a carpet.
It's about as comfortable as having a carpet around my leg would be as well.

It is challenging. I live on the third floor of my building.. An old building that doesn't have an elevator. So two flights of stairs to get to my room and then two flights down.. multiple times a day.

And then I have to get to class.

AND I AM SO SLOW.

I have always been a fast walker. I'm just trying to get where I'm going, as quickly as I can. And now that I cannot bend my knee at all, and I have to take the steps one at a time (literally step with right foot, drag left foot up, step with right foot, drag left foot, repeat.) and then pretty much hobble to class. I am adding an extra 10 minutes to get to classes that I normally can get to in 3-4 minutes, and for my far-away classes I find myself leaving 15 minutes earlier.

It is so so frustrating. For a girl who is so incredibly independent, it has been such a trial.

And yet.

Yet, I am continuously remind to be joyful.

Joy???????? You must be kidding me. I am literally dragging around an extra 2 pounds of foam and velcro and who-knows-what and I am slow and I cannot drive myself anywhere and it takes me forever to do anything and it has made me clumsier than I already am.

And yet I am constantly reminded
to "Rejoice always"
to "pray without ceasing"
to "give thanks in all circumstances".

Rejoice ALWAYS.
Give thanks in ALL circumstances.

This whole injury has definitely been a trial for me.

I am having to rely on God in a way I haven't been forced to before. I physically can't be independent and I am being forced to ask God to help me. Not in ways of life or death or anything but in simple matters. Like who I can ask to drive me to dinner. Who can I get to help me carry my groceries upstairs.(why this mostly relates to food…. well important college student matters)

And in every single situation, He has provided.

On Monday I was dreading going to class.
I have an 8:30 statistics lab on the second floor of my math building. As if a stats lab isn't bad enough (I hate math. I hate labs. I hate 8:30's on a Monday.) the elevator for this building is so far from my classroom that is faster for me to take the stairs one at a time.

And I did the pre-lab questions Sunday night and discovered that for this lab, we were supposed to do a few questions in our classroom, go outside, walk to a field, take some measurements, come back to the classroom and finish the questions.

As I'm doing the pre-lab and realizing I have to go outside, I immediately think of my knee.
I'm gonna have to walk down my two flights of stairs in my dorm. Walk to my math building. Climb the stairs. Answer a few questions. Go down the stairs. Walk to a field. Take the measurements. Walk back to the math building. Climb back up the stairs. Answer a few questions. Walk down the stairs. Walk back to my dorm. Climb the two flights of the stairs, and collapse on my floor.

Needless to say, I was very anxious. Besides the fact that I would be miserable and sore, I was SO slow. I would hold people up. I would miss on something important because I would be taking my sweet time to get to where we were going.

And as any college student, I decided I would go to bed and worry about it in the morning.

And worry I did. As I walked to class, I prayed and said God, this is hard and I don't wanna do this. HOW am I supposed to do this?

Just as I thought that thought, three birds flew right past me, and landed on the sidewalk picking at some nuts/leaves/acorns/something.

And the verse about the birds popped in my head.

You know the one in Matthew 6 where Jesus told His followers not to be anxious? Yeah, that one.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" Matthew 6:25-34 


It hit me hard too. God was reminding me, "Look! See Me feeding these little birds? Aren't you of so much more worth than them? I will take care of you."


And so in my head, I said FINE GOD. Literally, I'm not kidding, I really said that in my head.


I made my way up the stairs (one step a time!!) and got into my classroom. 


As the professor started the class, he told us that while we were supposed to go outside, he had decided that was too complicated and it was too cold, so instead we would be staying inside and doing a different version of the lab.


I could've cried. 


'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. 

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him. 

Jesus,  Jesus, precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more. 

And then Monday night I had sorority Bible Study, which is one of my favorite times of the week.

Does anyone wanna guess what the topic was Monday night at the Kappa Delta Bible Study?

"James 1- When Tough Stuff Hits: Tests, Trials, and Temptations"

Hmm. Wonder who else God spoke to besides me Monday night.

The book we're using for the study is wonderful. And God used it to nail me again Monday night.

"In reality, one of God's methods of bringing His people to maturity is by allowing them to experience trials."

"James explodes the myth that new birth in Christ will solve all our problems and that we will be exempt from trails, tribulations, and temptations."

James is correct.

"Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3

Joy. Finding joy where I do not feel like joy is not wanting to be found.

So while I am struggling, frustrated, fed up with this entire situation..

I am being taught to rely on God. Fully. Completely.

I am being taught patience (which if you don't know is something I majorly lack).

I am being taught that it is okay to ask for help.

I am being taught to take things slowly (okay more being forced because I have no choice).
And by being forced to put my phone in my pocket, and pay attention where I'm walking on campus, I am noticing things I have not noticed before. Just how beautiful the sky is on a cold February day. How  pretty the flowers planted on Greene Street are. I am being forced to stop and smell the roses so to speak.

And I am choosing to find joy in it.

What exactly is joy, you may ask..

Joy isn't happiness. Happiness, as one of my best friends says, is dependent on your circumstances and is temporary.
Joy is something that is deep within, and is more than a smile or a laugh.
Joy is permanent. It is there in the good times and the challenging times.
Joy is fulfillness, contentment and there is no way to have joy without having Jesus.
Joy is given by God.
And it is so sweet, my friends.

I am choosing to find joy in this situation.

I am choosing, every day, by the hour it seems, to find reasons to be joyful.

I am grateful to be learning patience. A fruit of the spirit that I do not have.

I am grateful that I have such wonderful, sweet friends who drop anything and everything to help me. Whether that be driving me or carrying things up or sending me encouraging messages to remind me that it really will be okay.

I am grateful to be forced to stop and look around and remember that this crazy world is full of beautiful things created by the most amazing, only God.

And more than anything, I am choosing to find joy in the fact that I am learning to rely fully on God. I am making a conscious effort to stop my worrying, and pray pray pray with whatever is on my heart.

It is hard. It is an earnest, conscious, by the minute, effort to be thankful and to be joyful.

But I am doing my best.
I am trusting that God's plans are perfect.

That His ways are better than mine.
And if I am supposed to learn several lessons out of this challenge, I will learn them.

And I will find joy in them.

Because, as Romans 8:28 says,

"..we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."

If anyone needs me over the next couple of weeks as I continue letting my knee heal, I will probably be hobbling up the steps somewhere. My motto is figuratively and quite literally: One step at a time.
Prayers are much appreciated.


I am trusting that His purpose is greater than my plans.
Even when His purpose includes some unexpected challenges.

Are you?