His Purpose, Not My Plans

My dear friend..  It's good to write to you again. I'm sorry it's been a long while since I took the time to write this letter. Truly, it's not you.. it's me. In the past six months I graduated college, married the love of my life, moved into our first home, started graduate school, increased my hours at work, and have been trying to figure out the balance of marriage, school, and work. Safe to say the balance has not yet been figured out. I'm beginning to see it will always be a work in progress. But enough about me. I'm here for you. And by here for you, I mean I have some things I want to say to you that you won't like but you need to hear. We've been talking a lot about our plans for the future, what we want, what we think will happen, what we just know will happen. And I've been convicted that I haven't said this enough. So I'm here to call you out. In love. And truth.  But there are some things we need to talk about.  ...

Eleven years on March 24th. I have now lived more than half my life without my mom. Eleven years, and yet, this year it seems to hurt the most. I'm about to hit the biggest moments of my life yet. College graduation. My wedding, beginning a marriage. A new home with my new husband. A career and furthering my education. What I would give to have her there for even one of those. In eleven years, I've learned how to handle situations and circumstances. I know that awkward questions, or responses, can be smoothed over with a couple of graceful words. I've come to terms with the fact that it's often easier just to say she couldn't make it to the appointment with me instead of going into the full story. I've learned how to fake it till I make it with hosting social events in her place. But I haven't learned how to not tear up when a Sara Evan's song from the early 2000's plays on the radio. Or how to face the annual Mother's Day sermon ...

It's become a cultural obsession for us to have our lives completely put together on social media. It always seems so much easier to pretend that life is perfect than to admit you have problems.  But, oh my friend, how much you miss out on when you are trying to pretend your life is perfect. Social media has created a fake world where we hide our real, messy lives behind screens.  We only show the things that we want everyone to see.  Newsflash: the "best self" you put on Instagram is not your real self.  You are miserable, you are tired, all because you can't seem to put out the perfect image anymore when your real life isn't reflecting that perfection at all. I know, because I was you. I still am you on many days. Before I say anything else, you need Jesus.  You need to run hard to Jesus and recognize that perfection is impossible because we are sinners in need of a perfect Savior.  But friend, once you've recognized you...

Five years of blogging for "His Purpose, Not My Plans" and somehow the title still startles me a little every time I see the page. Perhaps you think by now I have a really strong understanding of the concept that the Lord's plans are better than mine and I never doubt Him. Alas, I'm here to tell you that I do not, in fact, always grasp that concept well. But Alana , you may ask , how? why? Because, my friends, I love set boundaries and limits, and being in control, and assuming that I know how everything is going to play out. And, in the spirit of vulnerability: I really, really,   love to think that I know always best. But here is the shocking, hard, cold truth. I don't always know best. I am consistently shocked when the Lord doesn't do what I think He should do. He pushes past the limits that I have set for Him, He puts people in my life that I don't think should be there, throws me into situations I don't think I should be put int...

Hi there. If you know me well enough, you probably have an idea about where this is coming from. If you don't know me, then know that for the past year I've served on the Executive board for the Panhellenic community at USC, specifically directing formal recruitment. And if you don't know what that means, we can just say it's been a heck of a busy year. It's with a bit of a bittersweet heart that I write this post. Sweet, because my time will once again be my own (kinda, wedding to plan and college degree to obtain). Bitter, because this has been such a monumental chapter in my life. I have grown in ways I never thought possible, I have learned skills I never thought imaginable, I have taught things that I didn't understand before, and I have come to have a heart for college women. But, before I pass on my title and take my final bow, there are a few things I would like to say about sorority life. First of all , I am incredibly proud to be a Panhell...

My friend, What a broken world we live in. Relationships are being tested. Political lines are being drawn in households. Beliefs are being questioned. Doubts are arising. It is a challenging time to be a college student in America. For many of us, trying to discover where our beliefs lie, where our values meet up with what we're being educated on.. it feels that we are being pulled in a hundred directions. Perhaps it is more accurate for me to say that it is a challenging time to be anyone in America right now. Neighbors are fighting neighbors. Crime is everywhere. Lies seem common and justice seems rare. No matter where you stand on any of the million disagreements occurring in our country right now, I hope you can agree with me that our world is in a sad, sad state. We live in a sinful world. It is apparent everywhere you turn. And we are constantly facing the consequences of this sinful world. Our time is filled with tearing each other down and building our own...

My friend, It's been a long while since I've written. Let me just say that junior year of college hits like a freight train going at full speed with no warning horns.  Rumor on the street is that people are already asking you what lies beyond graduation. Crazy right ? We have a whole year and some before that.  But we're constantly wondering what lies before us, aren't we? Asking ourselves a million times a day how the decisions we make now will affect us later on. Where will I be in two years, five years, ten years? What city, what state? What will my career be, where will I live? What relationships will I have? Will I be financially stable? Will I be happy? Will I have friends? Will I be married?  It's mind boggling how much time we spend worried, concerned, anxious about the next steps.  My friend, we get into the terrible habit of getting caught up in our worries and our anxieties and instead of going before the Lord and ask...

This post started last week in my speech class, when we were asked to give a demonstration speech on something we were good at. The professor told us to find something we were "basically perfect at doing". So I started thinking.. well, what I am good at doing? In what area am I perfect? Which led to, how many things do I do wrong on a regular basis? How many things do I not know how to do? How many things have I've screwed up before? and I came to this conclusion. We are a culture that strives for perfection in a world where perfection is not possible. For me, it's that I'm constantly trying to be the best possible  daughter, girlfriend, friend, college ministry member, Greek life member, and student that I could ever be. I run full speed, every day. Sometimes I think I go to more meetings with my part time job and Greek life position than I go to class (but I promise dad I'm going to class). It's like if I just can do this task really quick, i...

I've been sitting here trying to write this for the past hour. Why is it that sometimes words appear so easily in my head, yet are so hard to translate to paper? Anyways, I wanted to take a few minutes and talk to you about 2018. New Year, New Me as some may say. And that's true. There are new classes, new positions in organizations, new goals for work and school. I hope you're excited for the newness of the season and maybe keep your resolution to drink more water and less coffee. Or at least try.  But I wanted to remind you of something else as you start 2018. This morning I was flipping through my notebook. Not like a deep personal journal, but more like a school notes, work notes, address book, list book, date book, prayer journal all in one kinda notebook. And as I flipped through starting last March going to now, I was really amazed to see all that had happened. Certain projects that were completed, things that I had prayed and prayed about that the Lord ...

It's always, always hard for me to open up and write about these things. It is much easier to pretend my life is 100% together and losing my mom didn't affect my life in this way.  But it has, and it has shaped who I am. First, this is one of the heaviest things I've ever posted. I encourage you to read it from the perspective that I wrote this blog to myself, what I wish I would've known when my mom passed away several years ago. These thoughts and opinions do not apply to every person or every situation, at all. But, my prayer today is that if you're reading this, and you've recently had someone you love pass away, you are comforted. You are more aware. You know you're not alone. And if you haven't,  I hope you will feel more prepared to walk alongside someone who is dealing with it. Disclaimer: While I joke about the people with the casseroles, and while many of them just brought a casserole, there were several who did much, much more, who w...

My sweet friend, We had a conversation the other day about how busy and crazy life is. How tired we are. How much there is to do and be done. And you told me just how exhausted you truly are. It makes sense, I mean we're here as students and that's most definitely the priority as it takes up the majority of our time between class and homework and studying and tests and papers. There's extracurriculars like sorority life and sports and clubs. And a job and church too. Finding time to be with friends and keep up those relationships. Don't forget about eating, and sleeping, and occasionally working out. I know you're tired. I see how busy I am, and I know you have the same things going on. But my sweet friend, I see something deeper too. I see how you're worn out from trying to do it all, and trying to do it all perfectly.  I know you. There's that pressure to maintain the perfect GPA so you can get the right job, so you can have money. The cravi...