This is My Story.

For years I've told myself I have a boring testimony.

There is no crazy before and after testimonial story. I was born and raised in a Christian home.
Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, Wednesday chapels at the private Christian school I attended for 10 years. I can repeat most any Bible story, pray aloud at most gatherings, and sing the books of the Bible on command.

I accepted Jesus one night, in my parent's bedroom at the age of 7.

There really weren't any super rebellious days where I completely turned against the Lord. Nothing dramatic. (at least I don't think so.. maybe ask my dad?)

And for years, I thought to myself, my story is so boring.
How could the Lord ever use me?
My story isn't interesting. It isn't dramatic. It's such a typical grew up in the church story. There's nothing here anyone could relate to.

Until recently. The Lord called me way out of my comfort zone and pushed me to a place of sharing my "uninteresting" story with over 50 college freshman girls. It was a last minute thing. Someone canceled and they needed a fill-in, and there I was.. not really ready, not really willing, but able. SO I did.

And I've been thinking about it ever since. And today, I sat down and started writing and, well, this just kind of happened.

I grew up in a Christian home. I accepted Jesus at 7. We asked the blessing before every meal, we prayed at night together before going to sleep.

But my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 6. She was sick for years, going through different treatments and medications.

I watched her hold tightly onto Jesus, onto her hope of life eternal, on her unwavering faith that He would never leave her even in the midst of the worst earthly pain.

My mom died when I was 10 and life changed to a different normal. I am grateful for the many, many, many friends of all ages who walked through life with me then. The ones who listened to my hard questions and helped me figure out that the Lord doesn't always share His plans with us. The ones who helped dad to raise me, because there are a lot of things he does well, but buying school clothes and french braiding and teaching how to apply makeup are not exactly his prime skills.

I was blessed by First Presbyterian in Florence, too. A community that loved me so well. It was on an 8th grade conference trip with them that I felt the Lord calling me to serve. (I know, in the 8th grade, what a typical little Christian girl). But where it's funny is that I said no.
That Thursday night in the middle of June at Great Escape with First Pres, I felt the Lord calling  me to serve Him in Florence and I said no. Absolutely not. Where was there to serve in Florence?

And then three months later, I found myself at EFM and I ended up staying for all four years of high school and still love going over there now.

I found some very meaningful friendships with my First Pres community in Florence. Friends that I spent the majority of my summers with, and Sunday nights. Friends that built me up and encouraged me. At West Florence too, a place where I gained confidence and leadership skills and sweet, dear friendships.

And then I came to USC for college. I loved it. Except the fact that I cried every night for the first two weeks because I was convinced I wouldn't have any close friends who loved the Lord.
And oh, how wrong I was.
I met my best friends one night at KD Bible Study. We've been close ever since. I began to attend First Pres here in Columbia, and loved it every moment since. Things were on the uphill.

I felt the Lord calling me to serve Him in Clarkston for that summer in January of 2016, and again, I told Him no.
Again and again I said no until May came and there I was in Clarkston experiencing the best summer I've had yet. Exhilarating and exhausting.

I came back to school last fall ready to go. Sophomore year. I was excited and ready.

and then it was the absolute worst semester, worst two months, I've ever had.

A car wreck, really bad sickness, ending relationships with people, losing out on things I wanted and thought I needed, confusion, chaos, sadness....
everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

I didn't feel like God abandoned me. I felt like He pulled out the rug from underneath me.
Everything I thought should happen, didn't.

And for the first time that I could remember, things weren't okay.
(of course, I struggled when my mom passed away but I was ten and so much of that was a blur)

This was the first time I felt like all control I had over any situation was completely and utterly gone.
It was so hard.

This was the same girl that was trying so hard to encourage others, to tell them that even in the midst of trials the Lord doesn't leave you, that He has a plan we don't understand, but here I was drowning in this dark pit of despair.

It wasn't up to me. I couldn't control it. I couldn't change the outcomes that had happened. There wasn't anything I could do.
So I did the only things I could at that point. First, I cried. A lot. Every night for about three weeks. Hiding it in my car or under my covers late at night.

And then I started reading my Bible again.

Do I mean that I hadn't been reading it all this time? All the time I was blogging and reminding others to read theirs and acting like everything was totally cool?
Yes and no.

I had been reading it. It was a daily habit. But my reading was that, a habit. Looking at verses, pages, chapters, and thinking one-thousand other things while my eyes flew over the words. It wasn't me mediating on the words of God. It was me doing what I was taught to do. And I knew it was wrong, but I still did it.

Until the Lord took everything out of my hands that is.
So I got a new notebook, one my dear Taylor gave to me actually. I pulled out my favorite pen. And I sat down and started reading again. Taking it in. Looking at the notes and reading the commentary. Praying that the Lord would show me new things and open up my heart.

And again and again the phrase "The joy of the Lord is your strength" popped up. Everywhere. From the Bible, the music I listened to, wise advice from some wise people.

And one afternoon, I broke down in my car on the way to starbucks as I realized that the Lord was reminding me that my joy is not found in my circumstances.

My joy is not found in my relationships.
My joy is not found in the positions that I hold.
My joy is not found in my grades.
My joy is not found in what the world tells me it is found in.


My joy is found in the Lord and He alone is the source.

My joy is found in His love. His mercy. His grace. His goodness.
nothing else.

"Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.." 1 Peter 1:8

"There are many who say, Who will show us some good? Life up the light of your face upon us, O Lord! You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." Psalm 4:6-7

He is all. He is everything.

And I slowly found myself coming out of the dark pit. He lifted me out. He used my sweet friends. and my dad. Little reminders that He is in control. And Christmas break came and I breathed. I went to Passion and was reminded that He is worthy of all my praise.
And I came back to school.

Then I needed a summer internship. Something to do with my major. There were tons of corporate jobs I could take. Places in Atlanta or Charlotte or New York. But that would mean finding roommates and apartments.
And that wasn't what I wanted to do either. I knew I wanted to serve the Lord again.
I just wasn't sure how.

So I prayed. And waited.
And prayed. And waited.
And I sent a lot of emails. And I asked a lot of other people to pray too.

And just when I thought I had it figured out, a great plan, the Lord pulled that away from me too.
Another great idea in my head, that was taken away.

So I spent about three days crying over that too (I've cried more in the past year than I have in the past 5 years together). And then I said, okay Lord. Here I am again. I trust you. Your plans are greater than mine. Lead me and I will follow. Even though it is really really really really hard.

A couple months later,  I got a call from a close friend and staff member at First Presbyterian Church here in Columbia. My church here at school.
Would I be interested in doing a dual type of internship with the college ministry and community outreach committee?

An internship working with people who I greatly admire and enjoy being with. Serving the city of Columbia by figuring out how we as a church can better serve different organizations.
Serving the Lord by serving His church.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

And I am reminded again that I am not in control. I am not in charge. It is not me.
He gives and He takes away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)

So that's it. My "boring" testimony. My "uninteresting" story.
That, for the record, is still in the works as I'm only 19.

But maybe, just maybe, it's not so boring to you.
Maybe you're there with me. Struggling to let go of control.
To let go of all that is holding you back.
Maybe you're grasping at the end of the rope and don't know how much longer you can hold on alone.
So, let go.
Let go of that which is holding you down. Let go of the shame. of the pride. of the hopelessness.
let go of the control.

Be reminded that your joy cannot be found in anything except the Lord.
He is the maker, the author, the redeemer, the anchor, the strong tower, the source of joy.
Let Him in.

Know that He can fill the emptiness in your heart. Know that He cares for you.

Get into His word. Maybe for the first time. Maybe for the 5,000th time.
Ask Him to open your eyes and your heart. Pray about it.

And know something else too.
No story is boring. No story is uninteresting.
Maybe you're like me and you grew up in the church. Maybe you accepted Jesus in the first grade and have never doubted Him since.
Maybe you didn't come to know the Lord until midway through college.
Maybe you were an atheist until two months ago.

But know that the Lord designs each and every story. 
He uses each person in each story for His purposes.

You will be amazed at the ways He uses you, if you let Him.

Maybe you are the reason I sat down and started writing out my story today.
Maybe not.

But I'll say it anyways.
Let go of the control. Get in the Word. Find the sweetest joy in the Lord. And share your story.

Being raised in a mix of Presbyterian Church and Southern Baptist school I've had my mix of Christian Sunday school songs. But there's one that remains with me.
It's become a motto.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, 

let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

So friends, that's what I'm doing this early Monday morning.
Letting my light shine for His glory.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven." Matthew 5:14-16 

Won't you let yours shine too?

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The book of Isaiah in chapter 40 verse 8 says,

"The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God will stand forever." 

Maybe you're diligent about being in the Word everyday. Maybe you're not sure where to start.
Maybe for a long time you've just been reading the words with other thoughts running through your head.

I created a little giveaway set.
Nothing fancy. A cute mug, a nice-smelling candle, a new notebook and a couple fun pens. Just some of my favorite quiet time things.

Something to encourage you to get back in. Or to keep going.
To be reminded that it is His Word alone that will stand for ages and ages.

I'll do a random drawing in a few days, on April 30th. Enter in below if you're interested.
And I hope you are.





a Rafflecopter giveaway


and if you've read this whole thing, thank you. If you want to subscribe to my blog and get updates via email you can do so at the top by clicking on the "subscribe" button.