His Purpose, Not My Plans

It's always, always hard for me to open up and write about these things. It is much easier to pretend my life is 100% together and losing my mom didn't affect my life in this way.  But it has, and it has shaped who I am. First, this is one of the heaviest things I've ever posted. I encourage you to read it from the perspective that I wrote this blog to myself, what I wish I would've known when my mom passed away several years ago. These thoughts and opinions do not apply to every person or every situation, at all. But, my prayer today is that if you're reading this, and you've recently had someone you love pass away, you are comforted. You are more aware. You know you're not alone. And if you haven't,  I hope you will feel more prepared to walk alongside someone who is dealing with it. Disclaimer: While I joke about the people with the casseroles, and while many of them just brought a casserole, there were several who did much, much more, who w...

My sweet friend, We had a conversation the other day about how busy and crazy life is. How tired we are. How much there is to do and be done. And you told me just how exhausted you truly are. It makes sense, I mean we're here as students and that's most definitely the priority as it takes up the majority of our time between class and homework and studying and tests and papers. There's extracurriculars like sorority life and sports and clubs. And a job and church too. Finding time to be with friends and keep up those relationships. Don't forget about eating, and sleeping, and occasionally working out. I know you're tired. I see how busy I am, and I know you have the same things going on. But my sweet friend, I see something deeper too. I see how you're worn out from trying to do it all, and trying to do it all perfectly.  I know you. There's that pressure to maintain the perfect GPA so you can get the right job, so you can have money. The cravi...

Over the past three years, there's a question I've answered quite a lot. And I think people ask it because they're genuinely confused.  It's a question about me, you see. So, I'm very involved in my church here at college. I actually have been working there for the past year with Local Missions, and I serve on the leadership team for the college ministry.  I have a Christian blog. I'm in a couple Bible Studies during school. I've worked for multiple Christian non-profits. I try to attend church regularly, and I was pretty consistent at attending FPC at home, where I grew up.  Ya know. What the world defines as a pretty typical Christian (although I'll be the first to tell you I mess up and sin daily, and need the forgiveness and grace of the Father).  What is it about me that confuses people then?  Because I do those things,  and ... GASP... I'm also involved in a sorority on campus.  Not just a little involved, I lived in th...

Ah, Memorial Day Weekend.  A day that as Americans we set aside to remember those who gave up the ultimate sacrifice for our country and for our freedom. I know that I don't often post anything specifically patriotic, but before I say anything else today, I wanted to say that I am so incredibly grateful for all those who serve our country and cannot imagine the difficulties this day brings for those family and friends who can't celebrate their loved one being home.   But for most of America, we use today as the official "kick-off" for summer. Pool parties, backyard cookout, getting out of school, beach weeks, and CAMP. Songs, games, popsicles and water balloons, silly skits, all things that scream summer camp. Even if you never went, chances are you know someone who did and they loved it.  Last summer I was fortunate enough to spend most of my summer at Camp. A few of my favorite highlights included impromptu face-arm-hand painting, reading new books,...

For years I've told myself I have a boring testimony. There is no crazy before and after testimonial story. I was born and raised in a Christian home. Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, Wednesday chapels at the private Christian school I attended for 10 years. I can repeat most any Bible story, pray aloud at most gatherings, and sing the books of the Bible on command. I accepted Jesus one night, in my parent's bedroom at the age of 7. There really weren't any super rebellious days where I completely turned against the Lord. Nothing dramatic. (at least I don't think so.. maybe ask my dad?) And for years, I thought to myself, my story is so boring. How could the Lord ever use me? My story isn't interesting. It isn't dramatic. It's such a typical grew up in the church story. There's nothing here anyone could relate to. Until recently. The Lord called me way out of my comfort zone and pushed me to a place of sharing my "uninteresting"...

Dear Mom, I've written this letter to you a hundred times over the last few months. I changed and edited. I added words and cut out paragraphs. I debated whether or not I should share it with the world or keep it to myself. Let's just say it was a heavily thought out blog post. But, in the end, I decided that I can't let this week go by without saying something. Something to remember you. Something to remind everyone that you lived so fully, that you loved so generously. That you were such a light in the world. So mom, this week, on Friday, will make for year number nine without you. In some ways it feels like yesterday that you left. There are memories from that day, from that week of my ten year old life that I will never forget. Trying desperately to be grown up, to talk to whoever was at our house, to be fine, to not cry. And melting down, alone, in my bathroom because I realized that no one reminded me that I needed to wash my hair that night, I suddenly ha...

Hello all. Trying something new today. Last week's KD Bible Study lesson was on Psalm 23. A pretty familiar Psalm.  I'm sure you know it. But, for just a few minutes, I'd like you to forget what you know about Psalm 23, and reread it again with me. On here. With fresh eyes.  I think you'll be glad you did. But before we read the actual Psalm, I want to ask a question. How much do you know about sheep? Other than the fact that they live on a farm? Well, let me fill you in. Sheep are known as some of the most incredibly stupid animals to exist. They depend on their farmer, their shepherd for everything. They're helpless creatures.  They're prone to wandering. They cannot do anything alone. They can’t find their sheepfold.. even when it is right in front of them. So now that you know a little more about sheep.. let's dive in to Psalm 23. Psalm 23:1-6 The  Lord   is my shepherd; I shall not wan...